Thoughts on Racism, Part 2

Part 2 of Thoughts on Racism, more stories:

I started wearing glasses when I was in Kindergarten and contacts in 3rd grade. I remember that kids would tease me about my glasses but somehow it was also synonymous and tied back with me being Asian. I don’t know how that happened exactly…I couldn’t see because my eyes were too small or some of that bullshit crap.

Currently, I wear glasses and contacts. Sometimes I lose my contacts down the drain or whatnot and if I can’t find another pair, I usually wear my glasses. Unfortunately, my glasses are a lower strength than my contacts so it’s hard for me to see. As such, I find myself explaining to people – since I don’t want them to be offended if I don’t recognize them or if I can’t really see them – that I do have trouble seeing.

A few of the undergrads and a few of the bartenders at the bar have made fun of me for it. They will pull back their eyes into that whole Miley Cyrus chinky eyes thing and go, “Well, I wouldn’t be able to see well too if my world was seen in widescreen” and other racist/derogatory things. At the time I had laughed it off and played along with them; but at the same time, there was a pang of annoyance. Should have stood up and said something about it, but what would a tipsy-drunk girl actually have of any relevance? I need to grow a pair of balls I think. Haha.

I suppose that hasn’t been the first and only racist thing that’s happened here. I’d talked to one of them about it later on and he says that he is trying not to be a dick and say racist things. That’s a bit of a lie; but eh that’s why white privilege for you, yeah? You can make the excuses.    But then, it’s like we always talk about with one another. White privilege doesn’t understand what white privilege is or means. If they have to ask, then, they won’t get it and it may be right in front of their eyes but they are blinded by it.

Dating a white guy the first part of college – one who was emotionally and physical abusive – probably didn’t help the situation. It also didn’t help the situation that his parents were well-off enough in San Diego. At the time it hadn’t seemed to bother me, but there was a time when we’d visited them and we were talking about something pertaining to race. His mom had mentioned (or was it grandparents) under her tone of voice, “Not to be racist, but you know those Mexicans coming across our border” and about how “they couldn’t get much work done in the house, etc.” It should have been a bell for me at that time – well there were a lot of other reasons that had happened earlier but I chose to ignore, or if I’d been paying attention – for me to get out of that relationship. Not only did they not seek to try to understand my culture and my background, they were ignorant of their own white privilege and their own racism.  Very overt things they would say would always be coupled with, “not to be racist”. At least show some honesty in your words.

Then again, being asked why you’re so white-washed by your fellow Asian peers because you decided to join Marching Band was equally disturbing and annoying. Haha.

“I didn’t know you could speak Chinese or even write Chinese! I didn’t expect that from you seeing as you hang out with all white people in band,” my family head in my fraternity told me one day, “You’re so white washed!”

Well. Fuck. Hahaha. No one wins with the race card. Although, nowadays, I don’t get that statement anymore. And you know, it’s all there as we walk through life.

Thoughts on Racism – Part 1

[Next] Thoughts on Racism – Part 3

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About floatingsheep
Recently moved to Blacksburg, Virginia (Virginia Tech) for graduate school from good ol' sunny California. Wanting to share my (mis)adventures around the East Coast and in general. :D

One Response to Thoughts on Racism, Part 2

  1. Pingback: Thoughts on Racism, Part 3 | floatingsheep

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